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Sunday, June 19, 2016

5 Ways to Fix a Love/Hate Relationship

I have a love/hate relationship with my blog. I could leave that statement like that and continue on from there, but that would be deceptive. The truth is, I realize the love/hate relationship I have with my blog is a metaphor for the love/hate relationship I have with myself.

When I look at my blog I see something I really love, but I also see something that needs a lot of changes and updates. Regardless of how badly I want to update it, I can never seem to get it like I want it when it comes to design. And I can never figure out what I want to write. It's mainly because of "chemo brain" that this happens, but it also has to do with my inexperience lack of understanding with design and HTML. If you've been pregnant before then you'll understand what I'm talking about when it comes to "chemo brain" because it's similar to "pregnant brain" or "new mom brain."
Image courtesy of tigger11th at

You see, my most recent battle with Multiple Myeloma along with my struggles with fibromyalgia and Sjogren's Syndrome have left my brain a little off. Regardless of how many ideas I come up with, I'm unable to see them through and regardless of my efforts, things don't turn out quite the way I envision them.

It's the same when I look at myself. I walk around feeling sorta light; so close to my old self (long before these illnesses started plaguing me) then I look in the mirror and see someone else. 

Early 2015. A few months after my hair started growing back.
I see a person who is more than 30 pounds overweight, who's always tired (it shows in my eyes) and who doesn't like the way I look in my clothes... I think I'll surpass talking about my hair because I'm really thankful that I have hair now. About a year and a half ago I didn't have any hair thanks to chemotherapy. Now, although it isn't as long as I would like, I am so pleased with it that there's no reason to complain about it.

June 2016. One week after deciding to grow dreadlocks again.
Beyond the way I view myself are the clothes in my closet, the money in my checking account and my path in life. It comes down to this: If my brain isn't going to continue doing (at least consistently) what I love to do then what do I do instead?
Here are the solutions: 5 ways to fix a love/hate relationship...

  1. Acceptance: Even when there are actions we can do to make changes; we have to first accept the way things are.
  2. Adjustment: Instead of trying to quickly make large changes to my blog I've decided to make small adjustments over time and learn more about the process as I go along. When it comes to my blog, maybe this month I'll focus on advertisements and the like. And, when it comes to me, the least I can do is a regular commitment to yoga.
  3. Assertion: I'm going to speak what I want... (and write it down!). I'll forcefully assert myself to bring about change. How does that work? Instead of getting overwhelmed with all that needs to be done and flitted around aimlessly I'll purposefully declare my intentions then take action. For my blog, that means defining my goal and action steps to meet the goal; and for myself, there are a number of goals I want to achieve. That means I'll have to prioritize and follow the steps to achieve said goals.
  4. Advancement: Trying to meet a goal can be a scary thing; however, think of it like this: Once you meet your goal (like reaching the top of the mountain), you're able to identify other achievements - higher advancements - you want to make. For instance, once my blog is "perfect" then I need to step up my marketing and solidify myself within my market. What in the world does a personal advancement look like for me? (Glad you asked.) Once I meet my physical goals then I can assist others in doing the same.
  5. Assistance: Speaking of assisting, I can't do all of this alone. That's one of the reasons I'm telling you. I know my loyal readers and my friends will check in with me to see how it's going. And, I'll need to request assistance with my blog and my personal goals. It not only takes a village to raise a child; it also takes one to build a business and to have a fulfilling life.


What about relationships with loved ones?

I am using the examples above for my blog and personal life, but these same principles can be applied for just about any relationship. In a love relationship you have to:

  1. Accept where you are. No, the grass isn't greener on the other side.
  2. Adjust your viewpoint. Even if you're right (or think you are), you have to understand another's point of view.
  3. Assert your intentions. Speak out for how you see things and what you want.
  4. Advance beyond the norm. Relationships take effort, but you can go beyond mediocre to extraordinary if you put in the work.
  5. Ask for assistance. That's from your children or significant other. That could be from the couple you know who's been married 20 years. Even your doctor, therapist, wise friend... you get the point.

Please share in the comments: What love/hate relationship do you need to work on?

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