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Saturday, April 26, 2014

Take 3 steps to stop negative *self talk*

"There is nothing anyone can say that will hurt me more than what I say to myself."

It's one of the top topics in women's magazines lately: Be good to yourself, practice self love, make time for yourself, better yourself, identify your attributes and pursue your goals and fans from there... Regardless of how it's worded, there is one consistent detail to all of this - stop bad-mouthing yourself.

When someone else insults us or talks badly about us, most of us will refute the information regardless of it hurt our feelings or not. A lot of us will defend ourselves (verbally or mentally) and some will "show them." Normally, eventually, we move on. But when we keep whispering in our own ears the words reverberate for days, weeks and sometimes months and years?

Why are we so unkind to ourselves? From my perspective, there isn't one easy reason. Our feelings of negativity are fueled by depression, low self esteem, illness and a multitude of other emotional disturbances. And we can't discount our learned behavior, mentalities and experiences from the childhood years.

Regardless, this behavior can still be curbed.

1. Tell yourself something nice about you. Then repeat. Affirmations & quotes to memorize don't necessarily work for me and I strongly dislike too many papers, etc., posted around my home. But if I acknowledge something positive - no matter how small - to myself it sticks for longer. For instance, "I'm a loving person," "I'm a talented writer," or "I have a solution for every dilemma."

Once you start feeling more positive and happy about you then tell yourself bigger things and add solutions: 'I will lose 100 pounds. My first goal is 20 pounds by August 1st. ' Get it?

2. Make yourself feel better. If you do your hair yourself start putting money aside to visit a salon once a month. You don't have to get the works - get a cut one month, color next, highlights, etc. Same for manicures and pedicures. If monthly doesn't work for you then try bi-monthly or quarterly. Or choose one of these: facial, massage therapy, a new blouse, a spiritual gathering, go out for a drink, have lunch/coffee with a friend or do something for someone else.

3. Do something for someone else. Many people think when others have a lot of going on in the way of responsibilities and difficulties that they don't wanna hear the troubles of others. But focusing on someone else can bring relief to yourself and give you a dose of endorphins that will boost your mood.

With your mind occupied there'll be relief from berating yourself with negative internal dialog. That's a win-win, right?

Are you guilty of negative self talk? Let us know in the comments how you are overcoming it.






posted from Bloggeroid

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Sunday, April 20, 2014

5 Mother’s Day gift ideas for the single mom

America is full of unsung heroes – at least 10.3 million of them, in fact. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, that was the number of single mothers living with children under 18 in 2012. These strong women have a significant role in shaping the nation’s future as they guide nearly 18 million American children through childhood and adolescence, according to firstthings.org.

This Mothers' Day, if you know a single mom who deserves a shout out for the great job she's doing, consider using one of these ideas to show her how special she really is.

Give her a break

For any parent, single mothers especially, life requires us to navigate through a whirlwind of obligations and demands. Finding time to enjoy a favorite activity, read a book or just sit quietly and think can seem impossible.

If appropriate, offer to watch her children for the evening. If that seems awkward, find a trusted babysitter from a site like Care.com and offer to pay for the services. Then, send her out on the town. Encourage her to get together with friends, hit her favorite shops to find bargains or find a table in a quiet café and crack open a long-neglected novel. While you’re at it, why not offer to pick up the dinner tab too?

Mother and sonNotice what she does well

Send her a Mothers’ Day card – with a twist. Before you sign the card and seal it in an envelope, take a moment to write a personalized note to her. Let her know you see the difference she’s making and give specific examples of how she’s making her children’s lives better.

You still can’t go wrong with flowers

Flowers are a traditional gift for a reason. A carefully chosen, gorgeous bouquet can bring untold brightness and feelings of appreciation to any day. If selecting the perfect batch of flowers seems intimidating, don’t worry; just go online and search for Mother's Day flowers from a company like FTD.com. While you're at it, why not treat her to a chocolate assortment as well?

Surprise her with a meal

Certainly you can take her and her kids out to eat on Mother's Day, but inviting the family to your house to dine or surprising them by making a Martha Stewart homemade meal can make a traditional gift seem even more special. We think the spinach and gruyere quiche looks especially delicious.

Offer your gifts and talents

For single mothers, time is a precious commodity. Between homework help, demands from the office, taking care of a household and other responsibilities, there are bound to be projects she must put on the back burner. If she’s mentioned one of those to you, give her the gift of taking care of that nagging job. Fix a leaky faucet, offer to tutor her children, tend to her garden, clean her living room... the opportunities to help out a single mom are endless.

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