Thursday, June 5, 2014

Cancer Diary: I only feel better when...

Entry #1

I've been contemplating whether to start this public journal about my cancer journey for some time now. There was the matter of weighing the pros and cons - there are many on each side of the list - as well as determining whether I'm even up to it.

Last week, while I was at the hospital waiting for my injection in the treatment area, I had a feeling that I know needs exploring. Total relief and a reduction in the anxiety I was feeling.

What happened to cause this? Talking to my regular provider who I've become quite attached. I hadn't been seen by her in at least two weeks or had a chance to speak with her. And I had things to tell her, questions to ask and wanted to get an overall picture of how my blood work is looking. And, honestly, I enjoy talking to her. Whether I need some information and have a problem with something going on at the VA or a change in his in feeling... Even when she doesn't have an immediate answer she always has an answer. Know what I mean?

She knows who handles what, she knows who to ask, she knows how it's done and she knows my case/record from front to back and sideways. I feel comfortable knowing that she is handling everything or at least is aware and can tell me what to do.

I've also been wondering how this feeling and my attachment will work when I am in Tennessee. This entire process has been long - getting a date when I will be going to the veteran's hospital in Nashville to finally, after months, getting a date but not having any other details of how to move forward. Exactly who is supposed to tell me who is paying for this? Do I pay and get reimbursed, since I'm arriving on a Sunday do I need to check in then or stay at a hotel?

It's really typical government/military stance of "hurry up and wait" has my panties in a bunch this time. This is a serious condition and the additional nonsense, if you will, causes more unwelcome anxiety.

But my PA will make it right though, right?...