Lately my emotions have been emerging as poetically written words or pensive daydreams. They’re bursting with moodiness, sadness, sometimes despair with a little joy, happiness and giddiness thrown around and in for sanity’s sake.
My most recent thoughts that led to an overabundance of emotions involves a bit of negative self talk. It’s a record that has played before – over and over… year after year… It may skip a beat or get temporarily shipped away, but that damn album is relentless.
It’s one of those things – thoughts – that will “only” change if circumstances change. And the change is one I’m not sure I have control over. The other way to take care of it is to come to terms with it, but that hasn’t worked either. At least not permanently.
What does one do about recurring emotions and thoughts stoked by circumstances? There are a percentage of you who would insist it’s as simply as changing said circumstances. Another percent would insist there is a higher power that can take care of it. The last percentage are the deeply thoughtful, creative, tortured souls who have complete understanding and oftentimes experience with the depth emotions can burrow. At the end of the tunnel, they see the ostrich with the gremlins and fairies dancing about.
They’ve laid witness to the whir the little beings make. The blur that induces dizziness, disproportionate thoughts like the silly eruption from a twirling child. These people – this percentage – uses their experience to support the emotions and thoughts without causing them to fester. They make a gentle and persistent pushing with slightly physical and subdued verbal commands that ultimately cause the dark surface to ripple.
A small ripple.
That ripple expands slowly. There’s something deep inside of it that wants to take a peek. Wants the chance to see the possibility.
But there’s the current beneath – swirling, unseen, on the verge of temper.
For release? For permission? For relief?
Only someone unseen knows as I sit and boil with emotion.