Wednesday, January 25, 2012

What’s the problem? (Co-)Parenting, health

This post is part vent, part update and part health and weight loss journal. Please be patient with my vent. Thanks for reading.

In the middle of thinking about how I was going to vent this without going on a tangent for 500 words, I came to the conclusion that I don’t have to recant the story I just have to get my point across. So here’s my point:

DSCF5198 As a single parent of four children I work really hard to make sure they're well cared for, have everything they need including food, clothing, etc., and are happy. When someone implies that I am not doing it I take it as a personal attack and the words echo through my head like the voice of a pestering ghost.

I tried talking to my ex-husband about the way my 7-year-old daughter wants to wear her hair. It was basically just a courtesy because the fact is I don’t need his permission to allow her to choose dreadlocks. Instead of staying on topic he said ‘there’s no reason the children should have holes in their shoes, be messy or stink.’ That was in response to me telling him that my daughter – and he doesn’t know both of them have – expressed concern about how their hair looks when they come from his house and go to school on Monday mornings. The two Mondays out of the month that he has them.

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The hair situation- not to mention their extreme exhaustion - is so bad that my youngest daughter’s teacher comments on it every other Monday like clockwork. She says she can tell when they were with him by the way my daughter is dressed, how her hair looks and how tired she is.

So my response to him was ‘are you comparing how they look after coming from school, going to the afterschool program and playing all afternoon as opposed to how they look in the morning.’ In the past I always sent the children in play clothes and shoes, especially during the summer, because he would either not send the items back, he would allow them to tear them up or they would disappear. A small hole in a worn-out play shoe is not cause for concern, alarm or criticism.

100_0999 My two middle children are pre-adolescent and their body odors are changing. When they come in from playing I send them right to the bath because they smell like outdoors and sweat. And it’s getting worse. So what? No big deal.

Instead of keeping on topic about my daughter’s hair, which is ultimately my decision anyway he had to start pointing fingers with inadequate information and incorrect assumptions. Since we’re making a list you know I have a list of my own, right? But I do not say anything about it because no one is perfect and no one knows the entire story. I don’t put out his inconsistencies, lack of attention to detail, lazy parenting, jacked up way of keeping their hair (all of them!) or anything else. I may vent to my friends or roll my eyes in disgust. DSCF5404

This time I only brought up the conversation because my daughter asked me to. But, once again, talking to him proved useless. I cant discuss anything with him because it ALWAYS (Yes, gigantic generalization) ends up being a waste of my time and energy.

That was a long point, wasn’t it?

Given my health issues (yea, I’m moving on to my health update), an unnecessary argument and the lack of resolution for what the conversation is really about is draining. Yesterday, when this happened I was so exhausted. I’m planning my daughter’s 7th birthday celebration, I had a veeeeeryyyy long doctor’s appointment yesterday, two of the children have honors programs this week on different days and all of this on top of everything else that is required to maintain a household and family.

So much for trying to stay stress free – doctor’s orders.

Overall, my doctor’s appointment – with the hematology clinic –  went well. I believe I mentioned that I had an excruciating headache(s) for more than a week. It began with a migraine on the left side of my head and radiated across my forehead and into my temples. It came along with nausea, weakness and additional aches and pains. My PA said it’s probably due to my Sjogren’s, which causes extreme dryness and it can effect my sinuses resulting in headaches. But, she added, it’s difficult to tell because there are so many things going on in my body. Between medication side affects and illness symptoms… well, you get the point.

The multiple myeloma is stable and I do not have to do anything additional or go through any treatment as of yet. I need to take my iron and other supplements on a regular basis because of anemia and deficiencies, which can result when something is attacking your system. I had an extremely difficult time taking meds while sick with headaches. She also gave me a plan as far as headaches to try nip headaches in the bud quickly as well as getting sinus films and migraine prescription through my primary team (I really don’t like that team!).

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Health wise I am so so so so so sooooooo happy that the headaches have mostly subsided. (Did you notice I didn’t talk about my weight? Ugh, we’ll just leave that for another time.)

Well, now that you’re all caught up, what’s new with you? :-)