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Wednesday, November 17, 2010

What I should have said…

I’m taking Bloggy Moms’ November 2010 Blog Challenge

This may be a hard post for some to read and understand, but it’ll be the only time you’ll “hear” me say this online. I never want my children to think that I don’t love them or want them, but I must admit that I wish I had said no when my ex proposed.

Or I guess I could write, I shouldn’t have said yes. Either way – it shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have let it happen.

Yes, my children are a blessing and a gift – the situation, in my eyes, is not. And it wasn’t necessarily so from day one of the marriage.

I should have known the second day of our honeymoon. The minute I thought, “What the hell have I gotten myself into.” The next thought was I should leave immediately and get an annulment. Not a great way to start…

There’s no way to relay all of my thoughts and everything that happened from that moment on. It would be a lie to say every moment was awful and, from my perspective, it would be a lie to say that my short marriage was good.

There were good times. Good moments. In the end the bad moments, and one significant final moment, tainted the entire relationship. It’s unfortunate and even sad especially for my only son – and second child – who still has memories of his parents being together.

Hopefully what I should have or shouldn’t have done will become a distant memory. There will be no guilt, no blame and life will continue to move forward … for the sake of my children who I love with all of my heart.

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