Monday, January 25, 2010

Peppermint Pattie, Peanut M&M's

I was fine. Really I was. I mean I had a lot to do, but I have been kind of plugging along through my day. Ignoring any pain (more about that another time), avoiding any negative thoughts... you know, just a regular day. My son got off of the bus, we jumped in the van to pick up my middle daughter, chatted at head start for a minute, went to get little Miss Toddler and came home.

About 10 minutes into them being home my nerves were grated. Okay, what's the deal, I thought, they've been with their father since Friday evening so I should be all zenned out. I had a chance to relax, sleep, veg, nibble, watch television, work and everything else I can think of without interruption. I didn't have to get up early to fix anyone anything to eat and slept until I forced myself to shuffle out of the bed.

Then why do I have the "OMG I can't wait 'til his weekend" feeling when I have 13 days until it arrives?

The feelings of irritation magnified when I discovered that my transportation/help/ride/support for the liver biopsy on Wednesday is up in the air and/or non-existent. I guess everyone has valid reasons, but once again I am left on my own for something important. I was already nervous enough about the biopsy and then to know that now I'm scrabbling to find and way to and fro has really set me on edge.

The ride I have semi-arranged (I say semi 'cause it seems as if he'll forget or something: "Let me call you back after I help my son play Wii.") can't stay there with me. I'll have to go about an hour or two early and may have to wait an hour or so after, and he won't be able to stay... I don't know if someone will be allowed to sit with me while they do the biopsy, but I think I'll be awake and the last time I had bone marrow taken my then boyfriend (now my ex-husband) sat next to me and held my hand. So even if that ride comes through it sounds like a painful, lonely experience.

With all of this weighing on me I have an urge to "fix it" with a little emotional eating. (You're thinking, "Ahhh... now I get it...," right?) All I want now is some Peanut M&M's and a couple of Peppermint Patties. Mmmm... that would make all my troubles go away.

Well, it would give me a few minutes of pleasure and the ability to forget anything while I feel the cool sensation and experience the nut... hmmm? Now that gives me other ideas. ;)