Overall, I think I am a pretty bright individual. Above average intelligence. Mostly rational. Sort of level headed. Skilled in tricking small children. And seducing grown men. Uh, ahem!, did I say that? Able to leap tall words in a single bound.
But when it comes to balancing my checkbook, I feel like a complete idiot. I mean how hard is it to write down all of the transactions, pull out the little calculator and tally everything? Not hard, right? Then why does the calculator, the check registry and the bank statement ALWAYS say something different? Three different totals. Each.and.every.time. Okay, that's just a slight exaggeration.
This was back in the day when customer service really meant customer service. As a matter of fact, I remember the first time I went into a bank in the mid to late 90s and requested that type of assistance and the lady politely said, "We don't help you balance your checkbook or go over your statement."
Uh... okay. What if I think it's a bank error? Well, never mind. Not important. I digress.
If I were kidnapped and tortured to garner information from my overfilled brain, all the terrorist/kidnapper/bad guys would have to do is make me do math - with or without a calculator - and I would totally spill my guts. I would fall to the floor with snot dripping outta my nose, tears streaming down my face and scream the secrets at the top of my lungs ending with, "Please, please don't make me look at another calculation. I'll tell you everything!"
None of this helps me get my checkbook balanced, does it? It wouldn't be so bad if there weren't so many transactions that I've let get behind over the course of this crazy month. Normally there are very few transactions, which makes it easy to keep up. I guess the multitude of transactions is a good thing, but I think I need a different approach to keeping track of my money.
I like that last one.
An-t-way, guess I better stop complaining about it and get to calculating. Eventually someone is going to want me to pay a bill and I refuse to rely on the bank's calculation 'cause they steal pennies. What? You didn't know?
Better keep a close eye on your account.
Luckily, everything is still in the green so I don't have to get too worried as of yet... I'm off to plan my next undercover mission. You know, children to trick and a man to seduce... damn, did I say that aloud again!?