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Sunday, November 1, 2009

Just a mug

Quite a few Valentine days ago, I gave my husband (now my soon-to-be ex) a hot chocolate gift set that contained two mugs and four packets of hot chocolate mix. At the time he enjoyed having a hot drink with me every now and then, and I thought the mugs were cute to use together. We shared a couple of drinks together using those mugs.

When I was packing his dishes and some other stuff I thought he would use/need after we separated, I debated over sending the mugs. They were his, of course, because they'd been a gift. But knowing him I assumed he would trash them. If I sent one he may not remember where it came from and use it anyway.

So, I kept one.

Sometimes I open the cabinet to grab my favorite mug - a giant yellow, flower-covered one - and it isn't there. It, of course, is dirty or buried in a sea of clean dishes. My hand hoovers over the one with the hearts encircling its lip. Sometimes I touch or hold it, occasional I move it over or back, there are times I have used it and other times that I just stare at it.

It's a weird set of feelings. Not necessarily pain, love or regret. Maybe it's a combination of thoughts and memories that flood my brain so quickly that they're gone in just a second. Causing confusion. Apathy. Regret. And, often, a total shut down.

Maybe I should dispose of it; maybe someday I will. For now I keep it as a reminder of everything I've learned over the past 10 years. A note to myself not to repeat the same mistakes. One day it will cease to be a symbol of a failed marriage and destroyed dreams, and it will return to being just a mug.
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5 comments

  1. what is it about coffee mugs? They are like songs, memories attach themselves to them. Maybe there will be a day you smash it ceremonially - breaking free from that past it represents.

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  2. Maybe it is a symbol of once was and the beginnings of someone's lives--your kids. He gave you some joy, right? Don't associate it with bad--remember the good. Perhaps that is the message of the mug. :)

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  3. oh mate :) i guess even if you did throw it away there would be another little reminder somewhere.

    hey you should start using and make it into your own mug ;) x

    Tina from
    Mummy Diaries
    Game FreakZ
    Gossip Avenue
    Travel Shack

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was touching Petula, I appreciate you sharing those feelings. I kind of agree with the other commentor, use the mug to remind you of the joy you did have. It is so much better for the spirit when we focus on the positive. Healing will truly come from within. Not to forget the negative, but it wont take your energy.
    I think you do a good job of trying to heal and push ahead.

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  5. I just wanted to say I too have the SPECIAL cup reminder in my cupboard and I do the same thing occasionally i use it but not too often . I am glad to see someone else out there letting us know we are NOT alone with normal things in life such as THE CUP, or whatever it may be for others.

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