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Sunday, July 26, 2009

Seasons of friendship

I was watching an episode of Army Wives on Amber's laptop (Remember the television situation?) and there was a scene where Roland was "informing" three of his friends that they hadn't been there for one of their other friends. The three women made excuses about why they hadn't been around, which caused him to reveal a secret to them to illustrate what they had done wrong.

It wasn't right what the woman had done, but they were wrong for shunning her. That scene brought tears to my eyes because it showed how people will throw away a friendship based on their own beliefs and lack of caring for someone else. What I mean is: I've experienced the lost of "friends" (you know how I feel about that word) and "family" (in laws) because of individuals taking sides or having weird, for lack of a better work, beliefs.

Before I decided not to work things out with my husband, I had a girlfriend who I spoke to on quite a regular basis. Our children played together. We met for lunch and whatnot. And, in general, we were there for each other. At least I thought we were. She started pulling away after my decision and I am under the impression that she didn't want a single woman around her husband. Either that or she couldn't be my friend because of my decision.

To me that means she wasn't a friend at all. That's not really my point though. My point is that although I am hurt by her turning her back on me; I am trying to think that it's possible that her friendship - that relationship - was only for a season. That's what I say to make myself feel a little better.

In case you're wondering, I did continue to call and try to make arrangements to get together but it often doesn't work out. Whereas we were seeing each other several times per month, I may - if I am lucky - see her several times a year. And I can't remember the last time she's initiated contact.

True relationships - sincere friendships - are important. I hope I am a good pal to those I call friend.
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3 comments

  1. It's always hurtful when a riendship starts to fade. I am so sorry that this friend was so judgemental of you at a time you needed them most. But your right, even though people move out of our lives they were there for a while and it was good.
    But.. the future holds so many new friends and adventures...and good things are waiting round the corner for you to discover.

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  2. I'll have to watch that episode of Army Wives. I had a similar situation happen to me this past year. It has been 8 months now since my best friend and I have spoken. I was sick and my friend decided she knew more about what was best for me and my family than I did. She also talked about some private things with my other friends and my daughter! I felt so betrayed. And when I let her know how upset I was she said I could stay that way and hung up the phone. The conversation did get a little heated so I figured we just needed a cooling off period. It was the last thing I needed when I got home from the hospital. More drama!I have examined the situation many times from many different angles- to see what responsibility I had for the situation and apologize. I did loose my cool and raise my voice but no name calling or anything like that. Sometimes I think I should call and say sorry and then I think-No I didnt start this mess and she hung up on me! So I still do nothing but live with that hurt. I must be getting stubborn in my old age or something. The worst part is she was my best friend, she lives next door to me , and she is my babys godmother. I do miss her. I dont know what hurts more. The fact that we no longer speak or the fact that shes missed so many of the babys milestones. She was supposed to be there or atleast that what I envisioned when I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child after 19 years. Yes- I have a 21 year old daughter and a 21 month old son! Man- I thought we were friends for life. Maybe were were just friends for a season. I probably have never felt more betrayed or abandoned about anything in my life. Will I ever get over it or if we did mend things would it ever be the same. I still can't beleive that happened.I am sorry that your friend did that to you during a very difficult time in your life. A time when you needed the most suport and love. That to me is very infuriating. As if you needed one more thing to worry about. I just have to think they know not what they do cause if they did they certainly wouldnt act like that. Who knows maybe we are suppose to go in different directions. So for now I keep telling myself perhaps we were only friends for a season.

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  3. Oh, I hate it when "friends" pull away like that. You're right, sounds like she wasn't much of a friend, but it can really hurt to lose those connections. It's always easier to make excuses than to really be there when our friends need us. Real friends are so important!

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