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Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Rhythm of thoughts

There's something about when things start going wrong then everything seems to go downhill fast. Sometimes I don't understand it. I get so busy with life - taking my children to the doctor, trying to plan activities for them, running errands, going to my own appointments, planning/completing what needs to be done to get my daughter ready for college and trying to make money - that I just want things to flow.

Now I don't expect everything to be trouble or stress free, but I would like a little normalcy. Is that the word I'm looking for? It'd be nice if everyone realized their responsibilities, listened to understand another's point of view and determined what is best for all and not just themselves. It'd be nice if I went more than a week or month without crying because I am hurt, worried or stressed.

I guess the good thing is I don't cry as much as I used to. The tears have been around lately, but I've mostly been a little numb. Just wanting to stare into space and focus on not thinking.

Once again I've been thinking about discontinuing my blogging. I hate neglecting my blogs and my blogging friends. It feels wrong somehow when I'm not here. Then I think about you - the regular readers - as well as those who have become friends to me. You email me, respond when I leave comments and I am generally interested in what's going on in your world. I feel like I can not be a good blogging friend, take care of everything that is going on around here (including divorce discord) and try to make money all at the same time. Since blogging gives me such joy it seems frivolous. Yea, it makes a little money, but that's not good enough. At least by some people's standards.

Life has been so tiring lately. I've developed "can't do two things at once syndrome." (You know that thing that most men have. LOL) I haven't been able to write anything creative or worth anything. I'm random, messy, exhausted, headachy, I have a sinus infection... oh wait, that so sounds like complaining. I don't wanna complain or vent. I just wanted to get some stuff off my chest (oh, is that what venting is?) and let you know what's up.

Forgive me (again) for not being around. I hope that my mind and life will calm down soon.
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