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Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Jumbled thoughts

My mind has been racing with thoughts for about two weeks (probably more like two years, but it hasn't let up lately) and I can't seem to get everything expressed. Whatever is going on up there has me stuck... blocked. My creativity is blocked. My feelings are blocked.

Well, at least in most areas.

There's another place - another me - where I feel a little free. I guess I would say there are a few areas. But I'm free in different ways. One place I can be myself, but I keep a part back so I don't give the wrong impressions. Another place I can be myself, but I hold back because I don't get the feedback I think I need or want. And, there's one other place where I am free to be part of the me I want to be, but I have to keep some things back 'cause it's just not appropriate or timely.

Then today, I found a place that I can release a little bit of each part of me. It was liberating, in a way, but it wasn't complete.

I'm not even sure I want to find a place where I am totally free, but I know I want more. There's apart of me I want to share I just have certain... uh... conditions. I just need and want certain things.

I guess I have been cryptic enough for one day. It's possible that if you know me well enough you may not need to ask what I am talking about. If you only know me virtually then you'll have a little difficulty. If you're stalking me then you should be pretty baffled.

My only wish/hope right now is that the cloud will lift off of my brain. That the effort of creating, thinking and accomplishing won't continue to cause such an upheaval within me. Somewhere inside there must be some peace. ... I guess.
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