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Thursday, January 15, 2009

Giving up?

I am so distraught over recent (very bad) developments in my financial situation that I'm forgetting things around me. For instance, I am so busy focusing on making contacts, applying for jobs (I even applied to Six Flags) and following up on stuff that I forgot about the water I put on so I can have some tea.

I think the water was boiling for more than 30 minutes... I never did remember it. I happened to go out to the living room to look for my purse and I smelled something "cooking." When I looked in the kitchen it dawned on me that I wanted tea more than 30 minutes ago.

(On the way back into the office to get this all off of my chest, I forgot to bring my purse with me.)

The green tea is serving two functions: Providing me with whatever antioxidants, good-for-you ingredients that it contains (my throat is trying to hurt) and warming me up. My electric bill went up more than $100 so even though it's less than 20 degrees outside I've turned the heat down.

I know that "everyone is going through tough times right now," but it's all relative. Yes, each person has their own set of worries and situations, but sometimes it's not the right time to tell someone that everyone is having problems. How exactly does that help?

You'll have to forgive this long, negative ramble because I don't think I'll be able to focus the rest of the day if I don't at least express this. I am shaking with nervousness. Besides the electric bill, I have an escrow shortage to the tune of almost $900. If I don't pay that in full (yea, right!) then it will be prorated to my monthly mortgage for the next 12 months (I am already three months behind so you know what that means... foreclosure is threatening.) Add on top of that the bills that there are due everyday, the repairs that I had to get on the van (thank God for my BFF) and the teenager's senior dues, application fees and a variety other expenses and I am more in the red than I've ever been in life.

Now does not seem like a good time to work on my vision board. It seems ridiculous and something I shouldn't even waste time with. And, I hate to say it, but now doesn't seem like the time to be blogging. GASP!

I absolutely love blogging. I do make a little money with it, but not nearly enough to sustain us (my soon-to-be ex only gives me about 1/4 of what he was giving me more than six months ago because of his financial issues). So I am considering giving it up or greatly reducing the amount of time I spend on it. I have been working hard at it hoping that my page rank will continue to go up so I can get better paid post offers. Although they have gotten a little better since I got to PR 3, it isn't enough right now.

Even though I just started a new blog, I may have to neglect that as well. Over the past year or more I've applied for and inquired about 35 to 40 opportunities. (I guess that's not enough.) That includes full-time jobs, part-time jobs and contract/freelance assignments. Everything I do including managing my health care appointments and my oldest daughter's medical appointments has to be done between the hours of 8:30 and 2:15 everyday.

If you count in lunch, although I sometimes eat at my desk, that's about five hours a day (without the children) to accomplish everything. I even feel guilty about taking the time to write this.

Although my sinuses are bothering me and I am extremely drowsy I have to get back to looking for a delivery confirmation slip, sending out inquiry emails, making cold calls, looking for a job and checking for paid posts. And concentrate on not crying or worrying.
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