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Friday, January 9, 2009

Friendship vs. Oneship

In this Woman's World

I don't know if you've had the "friendship conversation" with anyone who you consider to be a real friend. You talk to them because you know they'll understand and offer their point of view. You share with them about how you don't understand the way some people are and how they don't give to the friendship.

You give an example of a situation with another person so they can get an idea of what you're talking about. (Because if you talked to the person you have a oneship with most likely they won't get your point.) And, if you're like me, then you say, "Well, that's not what I consider a friendship."

Today, something dawned on me. Friendship is when both people get what they want from the relationship. Oneship is a one-sided relationship where one person dictates what they want from the relationship without giving anything back or contributing anything that the other person wants, and - this is the worse part - they don't even care what the other person wants.

A oneship isn't a friendship because none of the other person's needs are met.

You may be wondering why I don't just call that an acquaintance. I don't call it that because when you have an acquaintance it's someone who you basically treat like they treat you, and you don't want anymore from the relationship. You may call to say hello, see each other out and about, but don't put any extra care and concern into the relationship. That type of relationship takes little energy and you may not even think about the person unless you see them.

Well, what do you do when you want something more from the person who you're in a oneship with? For instance, you have a girlfriend who you're always inviting places, but she doesn't recipocate. Or you're a single mother of three who continues to check up on and offer assitance to another single mother, but she never returns the favor. I could give more examples, but you get the point.

I was in a similar situation and I tried to explain to the person that I wanted more from the relationship, but they gave all of their reasons why they liked it the way it was. So I made a choice to stop "putting myself out there." I mean if I'm dissatisfied why should I be the one to sacrifice? A relationship - almost any relationship - is a give and take/a compromise.

They insisted that we are friends, but I disagree. I think that if you truly care about someone and you consider them a friend then their needs in the relationship are important. What do you think?

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