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Friday, December 12, 2008

Stylin' & talkin'

In this Woman's World

With four children I have to be creative about spending one-on-one time with each of them to talk to them, share with them, listen to them and enjoy each other outside of regular day-to-day activities. Last night I spent a lot of time fixing and styling Amareah's (my almost 4-year-old's) hair. After her sister took out the old braids and the beads, I washed her hair, blow dried it, re-braided it and had Amber help me put the beads back in.


This is the old hairstyle.

During all of this styling Amareah and I had an opportunity to talk. Here are some of the things I discovered about my middle daughter and a few of our conversations:

Mommy: Do you like living with mommy?

Amareah: Yes.

M: Do you want to live with daddy?

A: I want to live with both of you. Mommy?

M: Yes?

A: Sometimes people don't stay together?

M: Yes, sometimes.

A: Later.

M: Well, mommy and daddy won't be staying together at all.

A: Tomorrow?

M: No, not at all. Sometimes people can't stay together, but mommy and daddy love you, right?

A: Yes.

M: Do you remember when mommy and daddy were together?

A: No. I just want you to be.

M: Why do you want us to be together?

A: I don't know; I just feel it.

Now isn't that the most insightful thing a parent could find out about children. She was able to articulate that she didn't really know why she wanted it, but just that it was a feeling that she has. This daughter of mine has, in the past and continues to do so, shown a deep understanding of the world and how it works. When things are explained to her she understands and, if caught in the right mood, is okay with how things are going to work out. I am amazed and very proud of her.

On a lighter note, I learned that she would like her hair to be like one of the girls in her classroom and because I didn't understand how she was describing it, I asked her to show me the girl the next day at school. "She's sick," Amareah said.

"Oh, she's not at school."

"No. She told her mommy she's sick."

"Did she throw up?"

"I don't know if she threw up at her mommy's house."

This is the new hairstyle.

We also talked about healthy food that make you grow big and strong, and she shared with me the foods she likes. Sidebar: My children really like to eat so I have a good idea what her favorites are; however, I was surprised by this: "I like broccoli," she explained.

"Really?"

"Yea."

"What other foods do you like?"

"I like that brown stuff you put on bread."

"Peanut butter?"

"No, you know the brown stuff..." She gestured, shaped her hands and patted it on the "bread" that was on her hand.

I tried to get the teenager to interpret for me, but she guessed peanut butter too.

Finally, after asking her if she at it at school and finding out that she didn't I reviewed everything we put on sandwiches. "Turkey?!"

"Yea, turkey."

"Amareah, that's not brown that's tan."

"Oh okay, tan."

LOL... I did get a little laugh out of that and discovered that she likes the spinach leaves and cheese that I put on the sandwiches. She also likes to dance and thinks she may want to be a dancer when she grows up or a doctor.

It was such a sweet moment shared with my daughter and I am glad that I decided to interact with her instead of just focusing on hurrying to finish her hair. Nothing can replace spending quality time with her as she'll only be this age once.

So, that's what is going on in this woman's world. For my first In this Woman's World column, click here. And to read what I consider to be a very creative In this Woman's World column, check out what I think about passion here.

My beautiful, insight, intelligent young lady.

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