For about the past two hours I have been fighting anxiety. It all started late this morning when I got to the store to buy a few more things for my oldest daughter for Christmas. I had a list of the things I wanted to get including one thing I needed for the house and I only had a certain amount of money to spend.
I started getting a little upset because since I only had a little bit of money I felt pressured (only from myself) to find the perfect gifts. I mean when you have a good amount of spending money you can afford to get a few things they want or that they don't really need, but when there aren't going to be a lot of gifts you want the gifts to be as close to perfect as possible.
Then there were a couple of small things I needed to get for the younger children's stocking stuffers, which ate into the money that I wanted to use for my daughter's gifts. Before I knew it my eyes were watering, my chest was tight and my throat was dry. I concentrated on breathing so I wouldn't break down in the store and hoped that I didn't look too crazy as I wandered around. When I got to the register there were a few things that I wasn't able to get and that disappointed me even more as well as made me feel like a loser.
I know it doesn't seem like a big deal to most people, but for me I feel so inadequate not being able to get my children all the things they need or anything they want. My daughter is a senior in high school and I wanted her last days at home as a child to be filled with ... Well, let's just say I had high expectations for this year.
The looks of disappointment that I imagine will be on my children's faces is overwhelming for me. I somehow have to reconcile what my situation is now with what I thought it would be before my husband and I separated.
Most people like to say, "Everyone is having a rough time now." (Well, except for my BFF who says he understands and is going to help me through this. He sooo rocks!) But it's more than that for me. To get into all the ins and outs would make this post entirely too long and I'm sure you don't want to hear me whine any longer.
I initially started to write this to let you know that I may not be around much today, but it turned into this. I am going to try to get myself together... If I could just get my chest and stomach to stop hurting, if the tears would just go away and if the despair would lift I may just be able to function later today. Right now I'm so busy trying not to break down that I am not accomplishing one thing.
13 folks a chattin':
I have the same feelings of anxiety over my Christmas shopping also! My two kids are not getting as much as they normally would and that makes me feel bad! I did try to pick the perfect gifts and have not even done stocking stuffers. I am not sure I will be able to do much in that area! Keep your chin up and we will all get through this together!
I was only 7 when my dad died, and he did not have life insurance. We used whatever money we had to bury him and used the extra plot at the cemetary that nobody in the family was using. My mom didn't have a job as these were the days when both parents did not work, mom stayed home. She did get a job, but let me tell you, life was tough. I wore hand-me-downs and there were not a lot of extras. We were not poor, but we struggled. But I always felt cared for and even though there were things I wanted, I don't ever remember feeling sad at Christmas.
My point? If you feel bad, your children will see it and just feel guilty that they want for something that you cannot give. Everyone ends up being sad. It's a no-win situation. Give them what you can and do not feel bad about it. Be as honest as you can, most of all. Tell them times are tough and Mrs. Santa doesn't work afterall--Santa had to make cuts too, just like the rest of the world. Those who "know better" will chuckle and the little ones will understand, believe it or not.
I send you love and positive vibes, Petula. It will be okay. It will. I'm telling you it's the love, not the gift that mean so much to your children.
Breathe deep, my friend.
I know the feeling!That's why I'm late on Xmas shopping too...
Even the idea of what to buy give stomach cramps!
*big sigh*...I guess we have to take it easy right?...
xoxo
When my son was little I felt the same way and it hurts when you can't give them nice things, but we got through it and so will you. Have as happy a Christmas as you possibly can, I'm sure they will understand that you're doing your best.
Christmas is so stressful. Take a relaxing bath. Your kids love you no matter what they get. I told Aurora she wasn't getting anything big this year. Her most expensive gift is new winter boots. Luckily my sister got her a really nice big gift...friends and family are so wonderful. Take care my friend.
Sorry you are having this stress and anxiety. I wish that I could take it away for you. I hope that it passes, you feel better and you can enjoy Christmas!
Oh so sorry to hear about your bad day. I hope that our economy turns around soon. I think we are all feeling similar stress this year, and it's no fun!!
This time of year makes everyone a little more stressed. Just hang in there, get through the holidays and things will start to look a little brighter soon!!
It really breaks our hearts when we can't give everything our children want. But be strong. Life is like a wheel; when you're at the bottom now, you'll know you'll be at the top tomorrow.
And I agree with Lin. The most important Christmas give a parent can give to his children is love and may I add service, too.
Hi, Petula!
Cheer up! As a child, I didn't get the things I wanted for Christmas because we were poor, but I never really felt sad. My parents love all of us (5 kids), and they're doing the best they can to support us. That's what really matters. So, don't despair. Your children will understand.
I remember the Christmas that I felt the exact same way. I was seperated from my husband, and I was really feeling the effects of his income no longer being there. My daughter felt it too. She said Mom is this your worst Christmas ever. I said yes. She said it's okay. She was 8. Children understand more than you think. Explain that you did the best that you could and you'll make up for it at a later time.
I decided that it would never happen again. I would never become so dependent on another that it would devastate me if they were no longer around.
I meant it. A few years later I was able to send my daughter to Italy, Austria, Switzerland and Germany. These memories made up for that sad Christmas. She's 30 and she still talks about it.
Remember, you're in control of your destiny and you haven't reached it yet. You're a good mother, and your childen will love you no matter what's under the tree.
What everybody said here is just beautiful. I agree with everybody - it is your love that matters the most not the material stuff.
Cheer up girl. Everything is gonna be alright.
Now do this tag! :) Just Kidding! Do it whenever you feel like.
http://www.mommawannabe.com/2008/12/shot-on-spot.html
Hang in there! I know it's hard to explain it to small children, but Christmas is not just about presents.
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