Life... Health... Reviews...

Monday, July 7, 2008

Where's the spider?

I'm not the most pleasant person when I'm awakened from sleep. I'm even more unpleasant if something or someone awakens me more than once.

That said, I must admit I went a little Hulk-like when my son woke me up at about 5 a.m. this morning whining about a spider. (This was after the baby had woke me up at about 4 a.m. and it took me 30 minutes to get back to sleep.)

Now, I'm sure you're saying: 'What a mean mommy to get upset with the boy for seeing a spider!' Well, before you wiggle your finger at me and give me a little tsk tsk tsk, let me tell you about this spider.

About three days ago my son came out of his room and said there's a spider under his toddler bed. I went in the room, looked under the bed, shook out his cover and looked all around ... I didn't see a thing. He talked about that spider for most of the day and he said, "I heard it."

I, in my most patient voice, said, "Andre, spiders don't make noise."


I implored the teenager, "Please go look for this spider. Maybe it's a cricket or... uh, I don't know... can you please find what he's talking about."

She looked. Twice. No spider. No cricket. No bugs of any sort.

The next day. "Mommy, there's a spider under my bed."

"Amber! I thought I asked you to look for the spider?!"

"I did," she says giving me an exasperated look. "I didn't see anything." That's when I find out she had looked several times.

During the course of a couple of days, I hear him and his middle sister talking about the spider:

"There's a spider under my bed."

"You saw the spider?" she asks.

"Yea, I heard it."

"Yea?" .... "Yea... there's a spider under your bed."

OMG, I think.

That brings us to this morning... bright and early at somewhere between 4 and 4:30 a.m.

"Mommy," he comes in my room and his words are actually punctuated by snivvles. (You know what snivvles are right? They're sniffles and whines that are used during talking so the words come out sounding like the child is sitting on a vibrating chair!)

Now before he even tells me what the problem is I'm already a little miffed. I had just dozed off and the baby, who I had to put in my bed, wasn't all the way asleep.

He tells me about the spider. Again.

"Andre, there isn't a spider. I looked. Amber looked. Go back to bed quietly!"

I wrongly assume he goes to bed. Then I hear it: Sniffle.

I sit up, I wait. I lay back down.


I start to breath heavily.

Sniffle. Why can I hear him sniffling so clearly, I wonder. I must be hearing things. I lay down.


OMG! I begin to turn into a big green giant. I swing my legs over the bed and throw open my door (as quietly as possible so I don't awaken the baby). He's standing outside of my door. Sniffle.

I pull him with me into the room. Pull everything off his bed. Shake it all out. Turn the bed over. Shake the bed. Pull stuff from under the bed. Shake the stuff. Okay, so I didn't just do that I also did a little mumbling, some yelling and grumbling.

"There's no bug. None. Not a one! Go. To. Bed. Now." (Actually I put him in bed with his sister -- yes, in another toddler bed -- where he's been sleeping for three nights.)

So, where is the doggone spider? I've asked him if he'd been dreaming, if he saw it in his sleep (yes, I know it's the same thing but he doesn't)... I showed him that there's nothing under his bed, on his bed, around his bed. Aargh.

I know all you uber-patient mommies are gonna implore me to reassure him some more and all that stuff, but I would rather just find that doggone spider -- imaginary or otherwise -- and squash it!
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