Life... Health... Reviews...

Thursday, April 17, 2008

My Mother's Day Memory

The background

It seems a little early for me to be sharing my Mother's Day memory, but I thought it better to do now instead of on the actual day. On Mother's Day 2007 I was standing in the driveway of my home talking to my husband. I was about eight months pregnant with my fourth child and he was handing me my gifts: An Oprah magazine (my favorite!) with a money order to get a year's subscription, some flowers and a card.

He was also apologizing for the situation we were in. You see, at that point we had been separated for a week. As I fought back the tears I was thinking, "What in the world am I going to do?"

If you read this blog often then you know I haven't revealed why I am separated and getting a divorce. My main reason for not telling you is not necessarily because I'm such a private person, but I never wanted someone to say that I defamed their character. But, it's time to give you a little piece of information that is vital to everything I want to tell you.

My husband had an inappropriate conversation with my daughter. I'm not going to get into too many details, but I'm sure you can ascertain what that means. At the time, separating was the right decision to protect all of the children. Not from him, per se, but from the possibility of an outside source initiating an investigation that would result in all of my children being taken if he was in the home.

Now, don't get me wrong, our marriage wasn't perfect to start. We were actually in the process of "working" on it. Unfortunately (is it fortunately?), I've decided that I don't want to work things out. There are several reasons, but that's too much to go into here.

My warning to you

I'm not about to tell you anything about protecting your daughters (you know that already) or what to do in situations like that (I don't even know what to do). I want you to know that about 60 percent (I can't find the exact percentage that I read recently) of divorced women live in poverty.

When I got married my credit score was 780. I had paid off all of my debt except for my student loan. I didn't have a lot of money, but I had started saving for retirement and I was caught up on my bills. I had a life insurance policy and I'd like to think I was pretty organized and savvy. Now, my credit score is 500 and something, and every penny I've ever had is gone. I don't even have life insurance anymore and my health insurance is iffy.

I've had three babies in four years and I've worked (and mostly NOT worked) from home. I allowed my money to be used for whatever was deemed necessary, I allowed my name to be used and I signed for stuff just to avoid conflict and... well, I could go on, but I think you get the point.

Don't let this happen to you!

WAHMs and SAHMs (and dads!) pay attention

Even if you think you're in a "perfect" relationship you should still ensure that you're protected for your future. If your spouse isn't interested in making sure that you (and they) would be protected then it's something you must do for yourself.

I'm especially concerned for SAHMs (and dads!). Even if you don't need an extra income, wouldn't it behoove you to find a work-from-home opportunity just to save for security's sake?

An-t-way, everyone (couples and individually) should:

•Establish a savings account and a retirement account. (Even a small deposit adds up eventually.)
•Make sure you have an up-to-date will.
•Do you have life and health insurance? (Your spouse's plan isn't always the cheapest.)
•Start an emergency fund.
•If you have children, are you saving to further their education?

There are so many other things that I've encountered in this experience that I wish I could get my thoughts together to tell you everything. If you hear nothing else then hear this: You never know what can happen. Someone could, God forbid, die, leave or become incapacitated. Then what would you do?

Are you prepared to be a single parent? I have four children and a home I'm responsible for and everyday the weight of the debt I've incurred, my daughter's upcoming prom, graduation and start of college and everything else is looming over my head, weighing on my shoulders and nagging at my brain. Although money doesn't buy happiness it sure could take care of a couple of problems around here!
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