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Saturday, April 19, 2008

AARGH!

I am so tired, angry and frustrated that I don't even know what to call this post. If you can just indulge me while I vent and I will try to make it short. What am I so pissed about? I guess it just has to do with being alone. Not necessarily alone without a man (although, forgive me for saying so, a little nookie right now wouldn't hurt!), but just the sheer magnitude of how friend- and family-less I am.

I don't have one friend who lives in this state that drops by to check on me and the kids or invites us over or calls or whatever. My long-distance friends keep in touch, but I'm getting frustrated with just talking on the phone. I want people to come over, to hang out with, to drop my kids off to, to cook dinner for... can I get them something at the store, drop them off a treat, stop by to help them clean up, watch their kids...?

My brother is the only family member (oh, besides some random cousins) who lives nearby. I use "nearby" loosely because he's two hours away and I rarely see him. He just calls to see if I've made a decision about my marriage. What about: Do you need anything, sis? No!

I have a "friend" (there goes that word again) who I've known for 29 years and he lives less than 10 minutes from me. I've tried inviting him for tea, coffee, wine, play Scrabble, watch a movie, lunch... you name it, I've tried it. He's either busy or will get back to me. Not gonna happen. Who am I kidding?

I am so tired of the inside of my house and spending ALL of my time with my children that I can just scream! I am tired of my to-do list and the monotony of the same routine, same food, same creditors calling my phone, same searching for a job, assignments, paid posts... I ... am.... so... freaking .... tired!

And how pitiful is this: My daughter has plans for the day with her friends and her boyfriend... blah blah yadda yadda... and what will I be doing? Sitting at my desk, washing clothes, waiting for the yard guy to call, listening to music, watching a little tv, eating and feeling sorry for myself. Oh, I may break the day up a little with picking up my medicine and doing my hair. Yippee, I'm giddy with the excitement of it all.
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