Life... Health... Reviews...

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Mothers of Adult Children

As I've gotten older my mother and I have become pretty close. I guess I can say we're really close because we weren't close at all when I was a teenager. (I know some people may say, "Of course you weren't!" But given my experience with my teenage daughter I know it is possible to have a close, loving and peaceful relationship with a teenager.)

Over the past several months I've shared with my mother, who I talk to about once a week, some things I need to do around the house and with my vehicle. Now when I get her on the phone, almost the first thing she says is "did you do XYZ yet?"

Does she have to ask me that every time? It doesn't seem to be a simple inquiry or an effort to make conversation; it's almost as if she's checking up on me to make sure I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. She even had the nerve (okay, I can't think of a better word) to say to me when I was getting off the phone yesterday: "Make sure you be responsible and do all the right things."


At this point in my life I don't want to be mothered. I'd like to have a friendship with my mother where she doesn't always feel it's necessary to give me advice or check to make sure I'm doing something I'm supposed to do. I'm 39, for goodness sake. And, I know for a fact, she doesn't do this with my brother!

I wondered if this is a common occurrence among mothers so I did a little searching and came across quite a few books on similar subjects. To me, it points to the fact that many moms/women are concerned or going through this. Here are the titles (and I know there are more) that I've found:

All Grown Up: Living Happily Ever After with Your Adult Children
Bringing Home the Laundry: Effective Parenting for College and Beyond
Parenting Your Adult Child: How to Help them Achieve Their Full Potential
Mothers & Their Adult Daughters

So, I've made a few decisions I'm hoping I can stick to: 1) Be more careful about what I share with my mother. 2) Be thankful that I have my mother to share things with. 3) Never make my daughter feel like she can't share stuff with me. (I'm continually working on this one. My teenager and I have a very close relationship and I am proud to say that I'm able to hold a conversation with her without always offering advice!)

Here's my beautiful teenage daughter... I'm thankful that we continue to have a very close relationship without all the normal teen-aged drama! :)
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