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Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Why do I even try?

Make your own clipart like this @ www.TXT2PIC.comI am so frustrated I don’t even think I can formulate what I want to vent about. I spend all day trying to carve out time to work on the computer and try to make some money, but between the baby and other obligations and responsibilities I haven’t been able to get anything done. (Not to mention even making any money.) Then I spend all night trying to get all the children situated. Hours often pass between the time I put the 2 and 3 years old to bed and the time they fall asleep. It wouldn’t be so bad if they weren’t noisily doing everything I told them not to do and constantly getting out of bed.

Then I finally get the baby down anywhere between 8 p.m. and midnight (no matter what routine I use the same thing never happens) and she still awakens 30 minutes or so later. All I want is some time to complete my “to do” list. Some time to do something besides take care of someone else. Some time to figure out how to make more money so I don’t wake up worried every morning.

Right now (AT MIDNIGHT!!!!) I have her and the laptop perched on my lap hoping that she doesn’t kick in the wrong direction and send this contraption flying to the floor. I’m aggravated because I still have to wash dishes, clean up the living room and try to finish the post I started a few minutes ago because I don’t want to do it tomorrow. That’s just the minimum of what I want to do.

I keep asking myself, “Why do I even try to get anything done that I want or need to do?” I don’t know why I continue to put forth an effort only to go to bed and realize everything that I haven’t gotten done. I wake up in the morning so completely exhausted and discouraged that I’m beginning another day so far in the hole.

Today I finally finished reading the October issue of my O magazine and Oprah wrote about how she took the entire month of July to take care of herself. That seemed so unrealistic to me. All I want is one day a week. What about one day a month? Okay, too ambitious? Then I’ll take an occasional night of good sleep where I wake up refreshed and a day when I get everything done. Oh, that doesn’t have anything to do with taking care of myself.

Doesn’t matter because there’s no sense in trying!
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